The Life Of Ian Story 1

OK, so background story.
I stayed up really late last night making music (until like 430 am)
and also, it would help that you know that my family has five dogs.
and at night we bring them in our garage, and three go in kennels,
and two just sleep out in the open with the cars and spiders and
what not.

OK, so this morning, at 11:00, my mom comes and get's me up with,
"Ian, i need you to come downstairs and hold the dogs while I pull
out of the garage." She's going to pick up Tess. I say, "Sure," and
head downstairs in just my athletic shorts (no shirt, no shoes, no socks)
because I'm just going to go back to bed once she's gone.

Out in the garage: Mom pulls out while I hold Seven and Cubby. Garage
door closes. I let go of the dogs and walk back inside. Well, I start to at least.
The door is locked (it's one of those ones where the handle itself locks). So,
immediately, a thousand thoughts, run through my head, and I start to open
the garage doors because I need to stop Mom before she leaves. But WAIT!
The dogs will get out. DAMMIT! So, then I bolt to the back garage door, and open
it, tripping on the way out and falling on my knees. Cubby runs out. DAMMIT
AGAIN! I shut the door to keep Seven in at least. I run barefoot on the concrete
(more like hobble) around to the front of the garage to get Mom, but it's too late...
She's already too far gone.

DAMMIT!

I run back to garage, calling for Cubby. He doesn't come. I walk up to the garage door
and turn the handle. It's locked too. DAMMIT! At this point, I'm laughing. I start looking
for Cubby, and notice blood on the ground. I look down and there is blood pouring out of
my right foot. There's a huge gash in my big toe. Evidently, when i tripped earlier, it was
because my foot got in a fight with the bottom of the door and lost. There is blood every
where.

DAMMIT!

I'm locked out of my own house with nothing on but athletic shorts in the middle of January with no cell phone, no car keyes, and the nearest house is at least half a mile that I'd have to walk on a foot that's cut open, bleeding, and may need stitches.

I seriously sat on the ground and just laughed. You know, like crazy person laughed.

So, i go to my car, which is fortunately unlocked. I find an old sweat shirt and tie it around my foot, and proceed to try every door on the house. All locked. I hobble back to the car.
Find a toothpic. Hobble back to the door. Try and pick the lock... it doesn't work.

I hobble back to the car. Find a hairpin. Hobble back to the door. Try to pick the lock. Doesn't work.

Ok, so at this point, it's sort of stopped being funny.

Then i catch Cubby, and put him in our fenced in pool area (which he dropped two very nice steaming loads in).

Then I just sit in my car, staring at the driveway.

FOR THREE HOURS.

Mom didn't get back until 2:15.
And I just slowly limped up to a bathtub
and washed my foot... which took forever,
because my entire body was numb...
and we all know how hot water feels when
you're freezing.

REALLY FREAKING HOT!!!
DAMMIT!!!!


anyway, i thought it was funny.
how was your morning?