My Bed Looks So Good From Here

has anyone here done anything that makes them worth while?
we're just talking underwater, and the ocean swallows every word
as it leaves our lips, silencing us forever. and if we can't talk,
are we anything at all?

we're all just reaching out for something. what's strange is that for me, i stop wanting it once i get it. I like the chase. I like trying to earn something impossible, but it's always a let down once it's mine. but we're all reaching out, and we all want to be recognized in a crowd. we want to be important. we want to be loved. we don't care why or how or by whom. none of that matters. sometimes i think it's amazing the way we each pretend that we aren't totally selfish in everything we do. when was the last time we did something for anyone without some selfish motivation? when was the last time we loved someone for who they are, instead of for the love they give us in return? my question is: is that kind of love really love at all? or is it just using someone for their heart. i just want something to make me believe again; make me believe in everything that motivated me to be someone worthy of the life i've been given. i want to hear those sounds that give me chills down to my core. i want to see and taste and feel something deserving of and destined for greatness.

because that's the only way i can get it back. my hands have been idle for far too long. and every night i go to bed and wake up later, and older, and closer to the end... and i just don't care. and i need to get it back.